The Denouement

31 Dec

With this year coming to a close, it’s time to look back on the “unravelling” of it. 2014. 2014… How shall I sum thee up? So many things happened this year, and so much changed in my life. Ok. I guess I’ll go chronologically.

The year kicked itself off with me basically entering depression for a few months, though at the time I refused to call it so. The period of time in which I can say I experienced true depression, and not just natural mood swings, ended around the beginning of April. So that’s how this year started off.

In early April my family bought a house. This was one of the last houses we bid on before considering moving out of the San Francisco Bay Area, and we won the bid at a lower price than our competitor, would you believe it. And we had exactly, not one penny more, but exactly enough money to pay the downpayment and move. And as a side note being so busy with packing and school and packing and more school quite possibly helped me out of depression, too. God really does have some good timing.

At the end of July a really cool thing happened. I woke up to a Facebook message from a person I had long wanted to be friends with, but never was able to get close to at all. Turns out he recently realized he wanted that same thing, and unlike me who had basically just been giving subtle hints for the past two years, he realized that he wanted me as a friend and decided to, well, make that happen. And now? Well… Anyone online who talks to me more than half a second has probably heard me refer to Josh at least once. Coolest thing that happened this year. Hands-down. Absolutely.

And then my junior year of high school began. Oh my goddess Nayru, guys, this is the busiest I have ever been. I thought sophomore year was busy… In the words of Thorin Oakenshield, “I have never been so wrong.” School may sound like kind of something that’s in the background of life and not really on the highlight reel. Well. This is not the background of my life. This is the forefront. And as I am after all only a lowly teenager going through that horrible thing we call “puberty” at the same time, this part of 2014 has been… interesting, to say the least. Thank God I made that best friend of mine back in July, because I can only assume that He knew I’d need friends with me to do this without blowing up.

Ok. Well. I’d be surprised if I haven’t lost a few readers by this point… This is turning out to be a really long New Year’s Eve post. Sorry guys. I kind of tend to ramble.

Last year, on 2013’s New Year’s Eve post, I mentioned some things I wanted to do this year. Well. Haha. I did almost none of those things. This year… It was not at all what I could have expected. In some ways it was harder, of course, and in some ways, it was so much better. This year was drastically different than I expected and the things I achieved were almost entirely different from the things I thought I would be. It was hard, and different, and a lot of it was pretty scary, but is proof to me that all things work to the good of those who love God and are called according to His service. (Romans 8:28)

I owe the success of this year to quite a few people, and here’s where I’d like to thank just a few of them. Thank you all so much. You are the reasons I can reflect on this year with satisfaction.

You’re really cool. Like. No, seriously. It’s my philosophy that no matter what you get on your Myres Briggs test it’s physically impossible for a child to be a true T type. Pubescent humans will simply always have traces of F in them while growing. But you break that mold. You’re 13 years old and you hold yourself together in emotionally tense situations better than I do. You’re incredible.

Wow. My little boy is almost gone. There’s still traces of him, sure—traces that I for better or worse continue to cling to—but you’re growing up. As time goes on I’m sure that the age gap between us will slowly fade away and we’ll simply be friends… But for now, I can still get away with occasionally treating you like my own little boy. Well. I mean. I’m sure I’ll always think of you that way. Heck, I think of nearly everyone that way, and you’re my baby brother. But the point stands. You’re growing up, and I can’t wait to see the man you grow into.

•My parents
A lot of the things I said last year continue into this year. You still love me more than pretty much anyone else, and your critiques are still the most trustworthy. I’ve been realizing, and I think both of you have been too, this year, that I’m growing up. I’m 16 now. In two years, I’ll be an officially recognized adult. Growing up to some means needing parents less and relying on yourself more, and while that’s true from a certain angle, I think that in these next few years I’ll be needing you as much as I ever have. I have a lot to learn in these years, and you hold almost all the answers. So thank you, so very much, for everything you’ve done for me already. But your job isn’t quite over yet. 😋

I owe quite a bit to you, you know. Arguably I owe 2014 to you. Without you I would have openly declared this year to be my worst year on record. In the space of a few months, you have gone from a light acquaintance to my best friend, and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be. You know how I feel about words and finding the perfect ones to describe things, so you know how much it means when I tell you that you remain ineffable to me. I will be here for you for as long as you will have me… and though I’d never let you see it, quite possibly after that, as well.

At the beginning of this year if I knew you’d be at church I’d wear a nicer shirt and put on extra makeup. Now look. I mean, heck, Josh introduced us, but technically I was friends with you before I was friends with him. Daisies remind me of you for some reason. I’m still not sure exactly what that one’s about, but I’m an INFJ, so there’s probably a profound underlying meaning of some kind. Do what you will with that. Anyway. Don’t stop being awesome.👌

Congrats on being the only person from last year (minus family) who’s also here this year. Sure, there were times this year where we both were so busy at such different times that we barely talked to each other at all, but as that one saying goes, “true friendship isn’t about being inseparable; it’s about being separated and nothing changes.” You’re an amazing friend and an amazing person. Remember that. And don’t forget—pants.

You’re all kinds of awesome. A beautiful dancer, a great piano teacher, a fun personality, a talented writer. Also fellow INFJ. It’s funny, sometimes, when I see in you things that I legitimately thought were just me. Having days where you kind of just can’t put thoughts into words and end up just slamming your fingers onto the keyboard, for one. Making analogies as a way of explaining things. I mean… It’s just like poetry. 😂

Thank you. I never even told you, just as I never told a lot of people, that this year was proving to be a tough one for me, and yet you still were able to make me feel better every time I talked to you. Even through a computer your very personality radiates joy, and when I talk to you, some of that joy often leaks into me. You are truly beautiful, from the inside out.

We’ve never actually met, but regardless, you and I understand each other. And that is a beautiful thing. Talking with you has always left me feeling refreshed. It’s not often I find someone who works the same way I do, and you seem to operate in all those same ways. Thank you.

This year has proved to me that people you never expected to leave can sometimes fade out of your life, but that people you never expected to come into your life can walk right into it, too. God has perfect timing, always.

Now for the New Year’s Resolution bit. We all know how well that worked for me last year… But maybe this year will be different. And if I’m destined not to complete this checklist, then maybe, much like this year, I’m destined for better than it.

•I will have a full first draft of my first novel.

•I will be able to drive.

•I will have completed my junior year of high school.

•I will complete my Goodreads book-reading challenge.

•I will have 365 rows of a day-by-day scarf.

I make these plans keeping James 4:15 in mind: “Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.” I’m setting these goals now, but should The Lord direct me elsewhere, I will not hesitate to go.

Happy New Year, everyone. And may it be blessed.

With love in fandom and in Christ,

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Posted by on December 31, 2014 in *Le Personal


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